Edward in Arches? No way!
by Bellathena255
Summary: Edward and there family go to Utah. They want to see the National Parks. On one of their hikes they meet a ranger... R
1. Chapter 1

APOV

We are going to go to Arches National Park! It's going to be completely sunny there but that's okay. We have long sleeve shirts, gloves, hats, pants etc. plus we're going to be there when it is raining! I am so exited, Bella will be coming with us!

**The Next Day**

EPOV

Well, my angel and I are in Utah. It is rainy today so I will be able to go out and hike. I pile into my silver Volvo with the rest of the family (we drove here) and started off. It took us five minutes at the Ranger station to situate ourselves, learn not to bust the crust (step on the Cryptobiotic soil), and get going. We had been hiking behind a woman with a little boy, both of whom where so slow even Bella was getting bored. Just then a ranger on the verge of a nevous breakdown walked in front of us and spilled her thoughts into my head.

_Oh my god! She stepped on the crust. How could she? She just wiped out decades of growth. Decades! That one step ruined the survival of that soil. Cryptobiotic soil has just been forcefully squished. The footprint is still there. How could she? How could she? Should I say anything? Of course I should say something. What do I say? "Lady, as a ranger at Arches National Park I would like to ask you if you could please stay off of the Cryptobiotic soil, as it is a mandatory part of the environment here." I would sound like a walking encyclopedia. I can just here them say "don't talk to her she is so weird, she gets worked up about soil. I mean come on." No. But she just crushed that Cryptobiotic soil. Maybe a "oy, you yes you, come over here! You just busted the crust!" Oy? Oy? What was I thinking? Oy. What kind of word is that? Okay, so maybe the informative ranger speech was better. Way better. Not at all better. God, what am I supposed to do? Am I actually freaking out about Cryptobiotic soil? God. I am such a loser. No. I am cool, calm, and collected. "Excuse me, if you wouldn't mind it would help the environment here if you didn't step on the crust. Cryptobiotic soil has an important role here in Arches." Cool, calm and collected? Who am I kidding? There she goes, stepping on it again. How can she have so much disrespect for the planet she lives in. she must not have seen the movie. Wait that's only in the Fiery Furnace. Why don't I work there? I could walk around in the cool walls of the canyon. _

"Alice, I can't block out this lady's thoughts! They won't leave my head!"

"Really?"

"Yes, and it's making me want to stop being 'vegitarian' to." She was so annoying"

"Don't give into temptation Edward."

"Easy for you to say."

_Ack! She stepped on it again. That's it. That's it! I can't stand it anymore! I quit! I quit this stupid job. I quit, I quit, I quit, I quit! Why the heck did I choose to do this? I mean I had my life planed out for me; I went to collage, got my diploma, and a bachelor's degree in biology. Now I am sitting here stuck, debating about whether I should tell this poor excuse for a human about the impact she is making on the environment. I hate this job so much! Yes, it has its perks… I hate it. I absolutely positively hate it! Why me? Why me? I had to be stupid enough to choose this wonderful job. I can't quit. I have to quit. No I don't. How could I even think of quitting? I would be unemployed. Like grandpa. Actually he is retired. I could retire. I'm twenty-seven I couldn't retire. I could work in Alaska in the National Parks. Alaska? I really must be insane. Maybe mentally ill. I could use that to get out of work. Jesus, I really am crazy! _

_That little boy just jumped on the crust. Why is the world conspiring against me? Why? Oh god, why? Stupid Cryptobiotic soil. I'm going to crush you myself. I am going to slam my foot and mash you into the ground. You won't even know what hit you. Stupid soil. You think you are all high and mighty. I am going to jump all over you, you stupid little… Wait! What am I saying? What am I thinking? Crushing the soil? Busting the crust? What the heck is wrong with me? I have spent my whole career so far protecting it. I have to stop that boy. He is driving me insane. Not that I'm not already. Insane I mean. _

_Why do I talk to myself? Because I'm bored out of my mind that's why. I have the worst, most boring job in the universe. Promoting "Don't bust the crust!" That little boy is just proof that nobody cares. If no one cares then why should I? Why should I waste my time worrying about stupid soil crust that is composed of stupid algae, fungi, lichens, and mosses? Stupid everything that holds this stupid soil together why should I care? Does it matter? Does that moss, algae, fungi, lichen stuff matter? No not one little bit! Of course it matters what am I talking about? I never know what I'm talking about. I am such a pathetic person. Everyone hates me! Nobody likes me and all I care about is Cryptobiotic soil. I need a life and I need one fast. _

_Maybe I should quit my job. I hate it so much anyways. Why keep it? I need my job. I need to be able to live in a house. I want to succeed in life. I want to succeed in life? Then what am I doing in Moab, Utah? I mean nothing exciting happens here. I hate my job. I hate my life. The world hates me! Stupid Cryptobiotic soil._

In my opinion she should just quit her 'stupid job' and leave us all in peace.


	2. Authors Note

**Authors Note: This story is probably not going to continue. I would need a lot of reviewers to want me to continue this story for me to continue. Please review. I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Utah. But I do own the crazy ranger.**


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